Where we're at

It has been a week or two since we have been dealing with this idea of cancer. The unknowns and many of the knowns are really scary things to hear about and to deal with. However, there is so much that is out of any of our control so we would be better off putting it out of our minds until we have to think about it. People normally spend most of their time worrying about those things they can't control and not worrying about what they can.

Dad is feeling really good. In the past 2-3 weeks he has actually gained a little weight! He has been able to throw his meals in a blender. Btw, all food together turns brown in a blender... must be why it is that color coming out of us!--it's absolutely disgusting and he is not allowed to use clear cups at the dinner table. He has made up some pretty nasty meals in the blender and has been more than excited to eat, I mean drink, it all right up! He has had more energy in the past couple weeks than we've seen him have in months. He is working really hard to get all the vitamins and nutrients that his body needs in him (via blender, of course). He tries to constantly have something with him to eat and has most his desk at work lined with smoothie, soup and juice cans. It really looks like he is selling food out of his cube. He gets exercise a couple times a week and is working on keeping his body active and strong to be able to handle what he will have to in the upcoming months. He has been able to keep up with his church calling and feels good about where things are at for the moment.

The hardest part of all this for Dad has been telling everyone. Us kids each have handled it in different ways, because we are all different but also because the immediate concerns will affect us differently as some of us will be impacted directly and others indirectly. As for me, I found out about a week and half ago now and I feel like I've been in a daze ever since. Mostly I just keep thinking about how this all just feels like some sort of alternate reality. For me, I am more of an obsessive personality and so I have been going through different phases like finding as much information as I possibly could, following my parents around like a lost puppy or feeling the need to ask my parents five million questions. I guess we each handle things differently. Considering all, I think us kids are doing ok for the most part.

My mom has been so strong! She really shows her strength in difficult situations and is able to handle most everything thrown her way. Certainly this is a huge, terrifying blow which she will never get used to dealing with. Most of the emotion, for all of us, comes in waves. When the moments are quiet and nothing else is happening around us, I would guarantee that our minds make their way back to thinking about my dad and the battle ahead.

Telling other family members has also been difficult. I know it was hard for my dad to tell his brothers as this isn't the first serious fight they're family has had to fight. Plus, since they are siblings and of a certain age (:)), they are also at risk and need to get themselves checked out. Dad told the members at our church this past Sunday and that was difficult... for all of us. Mostly I think he just wanted everyone to know that he wasn't the only person with trials and that he could still perform his church callings and wants to receive the blessings of serving others.

All that being said, we are ready for battle!! We all feel a lot more confident knowing our game plan and knowing that our star player (my dad) is strong and ready to win. Our family is strong and we protect each other the best we can. All of us plan on being here to support my dad and help him in any way we can. I told my mom that dad's job is to beat this thing and her job is to take care of dad and my job is to take care of her.

For the most part, we are all in a good place where we are confident in my dad's opportunity to beat this. If anyone can do it, he can. And that's the truth.

It would be impossible not to think about the preparation that our lives have gone through to be ready to fight this cancer. There are so many things that we have all gone through this year that has prepared us to unite together as a family to fight this. We are incredibly blessed and fortunate. While in a dire moment, I admittedly wished this on someone else, but I don't know a more competitive, strong-willed and united family as ours. My brother J told me the other day, "You know Erin? I think Dad's chances are more like 90 or 95%. Those doctors don't know what we know"... you know, I think he's right.